Oreo Peanut Butter Brownies - Fail Kitchen

FAIL KITCHEN - Pinata Cookies Loooooooool

How to Make Pull-Apart Cheesy Bread - Fail Kitchen

Fail Kitchen Lineup - July

Another big month here on Fail Kitchen. I’ve got recipes coming out my ears. At least thirty I haven’t had a chance to write out yet, and so many more we’ve done and are doing. Here’s what’s coming up:

Magic Custard Cake: This tasted fantastic. It didn’t, um, look like the picture though.  Recipe Here.
Again, a great try. We almost had this one.  Recipe Here.

Red, White and Blue Candy Bars. And this was last week’s episode. I moved it up in line because it was supposed to be patriotic. Only the blue and red and white kind of didn’t show up. We tried. Recipe Here.

And these are still waiting for their video debut!

Cheesy Pull-apart Bread. Original recipe here:
Heart-shaped Hard Boiled Eggs. Original recipe here:

Pinata Cookies. Original recipe here: 

Next up for filming?

Dog sandwich buns, which just say…bake in the oven. What could go wrong? Recipe Here:
I will only be frosting ONE cupcake like this. Because seriously? Recipe Here:

Ice Cream Cupcakes? Maybe I could do this? Recipe Here:
And yes, I’ve totally been avoiding this apple pie like thing. Because ARE YOU LOOKING AT THAT PICTURE? I need more energy to attempt. Recipe Here:

And amazingly, that’s just a tiny silver of what’s coming up. After these? We’ve got:

The Epic Homemade Candy Bar
Apple Crescent Roses
Baked Egg Avocados
Homemade Samoas

Phew. It’s going to be a busy summer!

And don’t forget our latest videos, omg.

The “patriotic” candy bars…

Watermelon cake, which was OH SO CLOSE.

Zebra Cake, which my friends have started lovingly referring to as vagina cake. Yum.


And the Oreo Ice Cream Cake, where my kids pretty much steal the show.

Plus a whole bunch more on the Fail Kitchen Youtube Channel. Go subscribe!

what does “Corporations are people” mean?

In light of the recent SCOTUS ruling on Hobby Lobby and other corporate giants being allowed to deny women birth control within their health coverage plans because it goes against their religious beliefs, I thought a primer on the laws surrounding corporations as people was in order.

Slate does a good job covering some of the bases of this particular case, but let’s sum up:

- Eric Posner, writing for Slate, reminds us that the word “people” in terms of corporations a sort of legalese short cut—never a good idea, in my opinion, to mince inexact words when describing the law.

- This ‘artificial person’ (going back to the 1700s definition) has certain rights: property ownership and contractual rights, to be specific. As such an entity, it is responsible in the courts as itself, which protects the shareholders. In other words, the buck stops (or is supposed to stop) at the corporation because the Supreme Court went ahead and made it its own thing. This, in turn, protects the owners as well, because when Hobby Lobby (or any corporation) fails financially, the actual people behind the artificial person do not suffer the immense losses involved in billion-dollar industries.

- Until recently, according to the New York Times, the “Supreme Court, in business cases, has held that “incorporation’s basic purpose is to create a legally distinct entity, with legal rights, obligations, powers, and privileges different from those of the natural individuals who created it, who own it, or whom it employs.””

- Until, of course, the Citizen’s United case, where, as Slate says, the justices based their ruling not on corporations as individuals with rights but on the real individuals behind the corporations and their rights as a collective group.

The ruling this week was simply an extension of this incredibly garbled, incredibly unethical ruling.

What we are looking at now is Hobby Lobby owners asserting that their religious beliefs as individual people behind a corporation, should be a basis for how that corporation is ruled upon in a court of law. They are, in essence, making themselves responsible for the actions of Hobby Lobby, intertwining Hobby Lobby as an artificial person with them as real people. They are saying they want to become Hobby Lobby, so that they can use the business to push their agenda.

And, in doing this, they also want to maintain the separation of themselves from their business when it comes to protecting their own assets monetarily. And the Court said yes.

Nutshell: In ruling that Hobby Lobby can restrict women’s health care, the Court has muddled two entities—the real person owner and the fake person corporation—giving the owner/corporation mutant all the protections of both—free speech, freedom of religion, freedom to engage in contracts, freedom to sue (as either entity), freedom to own property.

In doing so, the Court has neglected to relook at those protections on a grand scale, so that the owners of Hobby Lobby could turn around in bankruptcy and say “just kidding, we aren’t Hobby Lobby, we’re the people behind it. Don’t punish us.” And the Court would be like, “yup, you’re good.”

This week, we have seen the elevation of big businesses and their owners. We have seen the crippling demise of the worker, in real time.

Keep in mind, the average Hobby Lobby employee makes less than $9 an hour.

Who really needs protecting here?

And who is the bad guy?

Honestly, in this case, I blame our Supreme Court. Someone needs to delve into this corporation person thing and straighten it the hell out.

For more on how this impacts women and society, check this post out by Life, Love, Liturgy.

This nougat is going to have chunks in it…

I've got a genuine question: Considering I only ever really see fat women advocating HAES and wanting to be seen as attractive by men, why is it that I see hypocrisy in regards to whom these "body-loving" activists date. I don't see many large women with large men, but instead with skinnier men. Why is that?


Probably it’s because people fall in love with other people, regardless of size or weight. Or maybe because individuals are allowed their preference of body type? As for you not seeing “many large women with large men” how about 1) it’s not your business, and 2) open your eyes the rest of the way?

I don’t know what else to tell you. Your perception is not reality, and even if it were, a thin man and a heavier woman have every right to be together without being (incredibly strangely) labeled hypocrites.

I mean, you can love all body types (sans scare quotes) without being in a relationship with them. It sounds like you are only seeing what you want to see.

Watermelon Cake Fail











Mila Kunis Against Men Saying “We Are Pregnant” - Video

What the fuck is this bullshit and why was it recommended for me?

It’s not like men are involved in the creation of the baby or anything.

I mean shit, I understand that pregnancy is an extremely strenuous thing on the woman, but that doesn’t mean that a dude can’t be proud of the fact that he’s going to be a father.

Hmm. Weird how someone would want to be considered a part of the pregnancy…
There goes all of my respect for Mila Kunis.

My goodness, women like this have some fucking nerve. Good luck Ashton.

Please stop.

Pregnancy is a very dangerous time for cis-women. Until cis-men are capable of nine months of pain without the ability to take painkillers, followed by hours of one of the most painful experiences a human can undergo, I agree with Mila Kunis. It is your child. Not your pregnancy. You don’t get a fucking medal for sticking your dick inside someone and impregnating them, you get a child. So no, you don’t need a fucking spotlight highlighting your months of work and pain and the fact that you can potentially die trying to bring life into the world when you have not undergone any of the physical effort.

Things you can expect during pregnancy: Anemia, urinary tract infections, constipation, mental health conditions including intense depression, hyperemesis gravidarm (basically when persistent vomiting is more than just morning sickness and requires hospitalization). Not to mention there are dozens of infections that can cause serious problems. (x) (x)

Oh and the fact that 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriages which obviously requires hospitalization for the pregnant woman and causes a lot of emotional trauma.

Or that you can’t consume alcohol, most types of fish, you can’t expose yourself to hot water (or any heat, really), or get an x-ray. You cannot eat lunch meats, raw sprouts (radishes, alfalfa, etc.), soft cheeses, anything unpasteurized is out, as are foods with raw or undercooked eggs. And caffeine can lead to miscarriages, so say goodbye to coffee, teas, and chocolate. (x) (x) (x)

About 2 million pregnancy losses occur annually in the U.S.; 6 million babies are born. 25% of pregnancies are lost.

14.5% of pregnant women will experience at least one pregnancy complication.

11% of women are diagnosed with post partum depression.


800 women die because of pregnancy-related problems in the U.S. annually. (x)

Labor can last for 36 hours or more. You’re in a room full of strangers, who are all seeing your vagina, your blood, your shit, your piss, and your agony. It’s common for tearing to occur during the delivery (x) and after the baby is born you still have to deliver the placenta (essentially an organ).

Pregnancy is terrifying, dangerous, and uncomfortable. None of you have the right to shit on Mila Kunis for telling the truth: You do not deserve the spotlight of your wife’s pregnancy. So get over yourselves. Yes, the father CAN be proud, and he should be. But it’s not his pregnancy. He is not the one who will endure it.

It is not weird that someone would want to be involved in their wife’s pregnancy. It is weird that you have the fucking nerve to lose respect for someone reminding you that the father is not the pregnant one in the picture.

So please, stop.

Today in male entitlement: now women ”have some nerve” if they remind men that they are not, in fact, the pregnant ones. 

What Mila said is that the child is YOURS not the PREGNANCY

OMG the TEARS on this thread.

Ooh, they tried it.

Not all fetuses